Cool to be a Fool
by Mysticalflame
Summary: Zelgadis contemplates irony and love and a nameless, faceless woman, who's all but ready to take him back. Oneshot.


Cool To Be A Fool  
  
I don't own _anything_ but my cutely adorable and evil kitten ;) the song is 'Cool to be a fool' by Joe Nichold and is in Italics. _Please_ review.  
  
_Here I sit, nobody with no one_  
  
Zelgadis sat in a bar, the cushion less chair digging into his back and behind. A fizzing cup sat in front of him. Empty, just like the nineteen before it. He stared into it, brooding. His thoughts fell back to his cure and...her.  
  
The bartender looked at him, worried. Sure, it was good for business, but this guy really should be out of it. Twenty glasses and not a sign that he was drunk.  
  
_Bein' me ain't really all that fun_  
  
Sure, Zel admitted, it was nice to have a cure. But if it was so nice, then why did her feel so horrible. Maybe because the love of your life hates you now, a dark inner thought taunted. His stomach clenched and Zelgadis blinked rapidly. Another plus to a chimera body. Even if you wanted to, a person couldn't cry.  
  
_Leavin' her wasn't very smart  
_  
Why did everything have to go back to_ her_! The way she smiled, the way she laughed. Her eyes. Anything he looked at would remind him of her.  
  
_Admittin' I was wrong wouldn't be so hard_  
  
Damn it, if only he could see her again. He might be able to make things right. But no, he had to push her away, no matter what he tried. And then he pushed her a little too far. Jerk, cold-hearted, he called himself and continued to do so over another cup.  
  
_If it was cool to be a fool I'd be the hippest guy around_

_If a heartache made you famous I'd be known from town to town_  
  
He was an idiot, a fool. He let her get away, no he _made_ her. He had no right to call himself human. His body, yes that was human. His heart...  
  
_If tears were made of pennies_

_And a cold beer bought her back _

_My bank account and self esteem _

_Would both be in the black  
_  
His heart was the heart of a monster. He used to think, if I get a cure, I'll be normal. But before he knew it, his heart had become that of a monster. He smiled bitterly. At least he had memories. If not the woman, then the memories.  
  
_If some Hollywood producer made a movie that was sad _

_About some guy who lost the best thing he ever had _

_Hey, I could I could be a star _

_If it was cool to be a fool  
_  
His mind twisted and turned; he tried to figure out anything that he could do to fix this. He kept coming back to apologizing, but his heart said that it wouldn't be enough, that she never would, could forgive him  
  
_But we all know, the way it really is _

_You don't get recognized for doin' stuff like this _

_You spend a lot of time feelin' sorry for yourself _

_It doesn't really mean that much to anybody else_  
  
He couldn't explain it to anyone. They had tried to understand, but when he told them, they could barely hide the contempt in their gazes. Most didn't even try. Strangers weren't the kindest of people. And demit, if he couldn't stop himself of thinking about her. Zelgadis kept telling himself over and over that it was to late, there was nothing he could do now. He was such a fool.  
  
_If it was cool to be a fool _

_I'd be the hippest guy around _

_If a heartache made you famous _

_I'd be known from town to town_  
  
He bent this head down over his glass, kindly refilled. What was wrong with him? He had already drunk enough to knock out several people, but he felt fine, like he hadn't even drunk one.  
  
_If tears were made of pennies _

_And a cold beer bought her back _

_My bank account and self-esteem _

_Would both be in the black  
_  
A gut wrenching feeling settled and wouldn't go away. Another drink did nothing to make it go away. He might as well stop, it wasn't accomplishing anything. He threw some coins on the counter and walked away, ignoring the astonished gaze of the barkeep.  
  
_If some Hollywood producer made a movie that was sad _

_About some guy who lost the best thing he ever had _

_Hey, I could I could be a star _

_If it was cool to be a fool  
_  
Could she ever forgive him? Hell, could he ever forgive himself? He would probably never know the answer. One thing he did know. If he could have her back again, he would do anything, anything at all. But that wouldn't happen; he knew it, so why couldn't he take his mind off of it.  
  
_Hey I could be a star_  
  
Zelgadis walked out the bar, emotionally dead. She was never coming back.  
  
_If it was cool to be a fool  
_  
A figure, sitting in the shadows, stood up.


End file.
